I am a keen reader of Michelle’s weblog “The Green Study”. It is easy to enter the site and become lost in mind-expanding thoughts for hours! No wonder Michelle has over sixteen thousand subscribers!
I asked Michelle if I could share her post here on LEN. Within minutes she replied “share away’. This is the measure of Michelle, read her posts and you’ll see what I mean. A brilliant writer and observer of life: We are hoping Michelle will allow us to repost some of her other articles in the future.
Thank You, Michelle:
Adult Disequilibrium
My internet search history of the last few weeks runs something like this:
- What does it mean when my RHR (resting heart rate) is elevated
- How to handle toxic relative
- How to transition to gray hair
- How to help teenager with grief
- How to deal with heartburn at night
- Eco-safe unplug sink drain
- How to get cat with kidney disease to eat
- Why are box elders suddenly in house in winter
- Why do caskets get put in vault
- Average lifespan of woman who reaches 50 (FYI: 85)
- Late life writing careers
- Pre-paying cremation
- Dry hands remedies
During a phase of disequilibrium, there is no worry too small that it doesn’t require Googling or a night of tossing and turning. A couple of nights ago, I dreamt I was in a Geo Prizm (a car from a couple of decades ago) and there was a warning light I’d never seen before. I couldn’t get the engine to shut off. That was the entire dream – me sitting in the car in a parking lot, trying to figure out how to shut the car off. I’m not skilled in dream interpretation except that the feeling of being stuck in an untenable situation feels fairly realistic to my waking life.
So I did what I always do. I wrote lists. I met my life coach friend for coffee and went over the lists. I needed to say things out loud to another human, who could assure me that I wasn’t a complete nut job.
One of the steps towards finding equilibrium again, is differentiating between self-care, self-comfort, and simple numbing behaviors. Some of these things overlap, but over the last few weeks, I’d overeaten, binge-watched, gave up any pretense at exercise (apparently just wearing a Fitbit doesn’t count), spent a great deal of time in fleece-like materials – alternately doing internet searches while scrolling through my Twitter feed for things that would piss me off. Sometimes any feeling is better than none at all.
Initially, some of these things might have been comforting, but as soon as you start
It is finally time to trade in some of these things for self-care. Getting back to exercise, good nutrition, doing work that is meaningful to me, sleeping well, connecting with people who elevate and don’t depress. Tomorrow I’m going to decorate for the holidays – a weird set of rituals from childhood that look a lot like Christmas without the dogma. But shiny things. And trees inside. And lights outside. And online shopping. None of it really makes sense, except that I will take time to think about the people in my life and what I could say, write, or gift to them that expresses my gratitude for their presence in said life.
long term
purgatory. I’m not going to fully spring up into a high functioning adult tomorrow, but I need to make my way in that direction. I think of that song from that kid’s holiday TV special. Put one foot in front of the other…