Yesterday I wrote briefly about the power of clarity within material transactions. The lesson is simply ‘People trust brevity and clarity over long-winded explanation.’ This premise is very much part of my work. When someone wished to ‘prove’ a deception they will often expand upon the story to make it seem real. When reviewing all of the statements made by serious criminals and serial killers, their stories are always expansive. In reality, we do not remember every facet of a story. Indeed, if four people enjoyed a day at the seaside, after two weeks each would provide a different timeline of the day and would review all aspects in a different way. This is called distortion and deletion: everyone reviews their lives in this way. It is normal and one of he best ways to ‘confirm’ if a subject is intent on describing his truthful view of the world. I know this is a difficult aspect of psychology to accept, however it is an accurate observation.
Indeed, this aspect of our thoughts is one reason we should review very carefully the idea of reopening historical crimes. Particularly where investigating officers are centred on witness evidence and have no forensic evidence to back up the accusations. Unless we have a situation where many victims are involved, and all recall similar experiences, then the authorities are reticent to reopen or indeed open a case.
Clarity during daily life
Whenever we desire to impress, the easiest way is though clarity. If we say ‘I love you’ it means we love everything about the person, all of the good and all of the faults. The statement is clear and without ‘grey areas’. Many will disagree, however there is plenty of research to suggest that unconditional love is the purest declaration of this most powerful of emotion.
And why it works so well is that someone who loves another without reservation forgives all faults and previous conflicts, and is left with no other option but to discover future based happiness. Clearly, the relationship has to be based on a mutual degree of trust, understanding and compassion. True love only works one way for a short while! Do not believe me? Then look at diverse and separation statistics: it is impossible to accept most relationships begin from the perspective of a degree of love.
So, if someone crest for another, then they will be clear about their feelings. Love does not mean we cannot say ‘Hey! That was unkind or out of order.’ Those who fail to provide partners with clear feedback within the relationship, soon discover they are being taken for granted or worse. Maybe, you resonate with these ideas, either through personal or observed experience?
If it the comment is accurate – say it!
When there is need to impress or make a clear comment, think abut the words being spoken. Take your time, a few moments pause will increase the depth and force of the statement. Remember to keep the explanation or request short but courteous. Incidentally, never use the caveat ‘With respect or greatest respect’ most people know there is no meaning to this preamble. Far better to say; ‘Allow me to make myself clear’ or ‘It is important you hear my viewpoint’. If there is any reticence for the individual or group to hear your view, do not enter into an argument. It is entirely possible that later, you will hold the upper hand if the situation becomes more difficult.
Be Prepared to Listen
Once the statement is made, take time to listen to the reply and gauge the physical response. Each of us can see, hear or sense someone’s attitude. With cafe we soon learn to know if someone is responding in a positive or negative way to suggestions. Again do not enter into an argument, clarity and simplicity is key to effective reasoning.
In Conclusion:
Learning to make short and concise statements is a powerful way to influence those who are part of one’s life. Consider the well known statement: ‘She is a woman of few words, but when she speaks, everyone listens.’ When teaching clients about powers of persuasion and influence, the first lesson is always ‘Be concise and knowledgable.’ Do not enter into expansive dialogue, you will leave thinking you have scored a goal. In most cases, people will nod their heads and smile. even though they are thinking ‘I haven’t a clue what is being said!
And when you listen to someone who you cannot understand, ask yourself if your are learning a better lesson than something being spoken!
Many Thanks for reading this and the previous short articles. I hope you have discovered an easy and potent method to influence people within your sphere of personal involvement.
Darren Stanton
You can meet Darren at every Well Being Event
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