You could not make it up!

In the early days of my vocation and career as a past life regressionist and as part of my service to customers I decided to offer home visits to those that were unable to travel to see me. This was something I had wished for after a terrible accident, where it was difficult for me to leave the home without a wheelchair or a chaperone.

I am going embark on a story that some may find difficult to believe and it certainly taught me a thing or two I can tell you. I still shake my head in disbelief but now giggle at the incident that taught me it is all about the preparation.

I had a booking to visit an elderly gentleman in another county who lived in sheltered accommodation. A few days prior to the visit he called me up to discuss his dilemma. He explained that he was really looking forward to the session we had arranged but omitted to inform me that he had a condition called Tourette’s. With Tourette syndrome, compulsive swearing can be uncontrollable and undesired by the person uttering the phrases. I thanked him for the information and so prepared for a colourful afternoon, but how colourful was it going to be? Never in my dreams did I expect the experience I am about to disclose.

The day of the appointment started off well. I travelled one and half hours to his home and was warmly greeted with a cup of tea and a few life stories before we began the consultation. His home was warm and cosy. I noticed he had a Cockatoo in the corner of the room which he explained kept him company during the long evenings.

We started, as always, with a few warmup exercises before performing the past life regression. His recollection of life experiences was amazing as was his colourful vocabulary befitting men-only club. He described a life during the time of the Knights Templar. The Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon also known as the Order of Solomon’s Temple, the Knights Templar.

The Knights Templar were the elite fighting force of their day, highly trained, well-equipped and highly motivated; one of the tenets of their religious order was that they were forbidden from retreating in battle unless outnumbered three to one, and even then only by order of their commander, or if the Templar flag went down. Not all Knights Templar were warriors. The mission of most of the members was one of support – to acquire resources which could be used to fund and equip the small percentage of members who were fighting on the front lines. The Templars were also shrewd tacticians, following the dream of Saint Bernard who had declared that a small force, under the right conditions, could defeat a much larger enemy. One of the key battles in which this was demonstrated was in 1177, at the Battle of Montgisard.

We explored several scenes in that life before coming to the end of his life. It is at this juncture that I ask the client who has come to collect them from the spirit world to take them home, or sometimes they travel to different planets.

It was at that point when we lifted his soul out of the body to travel back home that an almighty racket started from behind and scared the living daylights out of me. Taken by surprise, knowing we were alone, I looked around the room and there it was in the cage, this colourful bird flapping and chirping and rocking the cage. The Cockatoo had come to life.

Now, this may surprise you, but I am not trained in Cockatoo talk, it is not something that I ever thought I would need, so I had little choice but to carry on regardless. I can only imagine that the Cockatoo could somehow feel the variation of energy levels in the room and sensed the expansion of his fellow mate in the armchair, still and thankfully, fully engaged with the regression with eyes firmly closed.

I continued with the session and asked the client to describe where he was travelling to. It was at this point that the Cockatoo decided to share the experience. The man explained, in colourful Tourette fashion, he was an old soul and part of the Galactic Federation Council, which was where he was heading to inform his group of his learning and teachings.

What I did not realise was that the Cockatoo could speak. The man had had the Cockatoo since a chick. He loved his little mate and spoke to him every day.

Can you see where this is going? As the client was explaining to me that he was travelling past the moon, beyond what we know on earth and up to the Galactic Federation Council the bird began flapping and squawking loudly in agitation “the f***king moon, the f***king moon, b**tard Council.”

To be perfectly honest I was in shock and quite taken aback, in disbelief and astonished at the language that came out of that bird. My body was rigid to the spot yet my head was darting from the client in the chair to the Cockatoo in the now rocking cage as if I were watching a tennis match in fast forward mode to the point I thought I was likely to decapitate myself and find my head rolling under the client’s chair.

Was I really hearing this, was I even there at all, it must be all a dream? It was without a doubt my worst nightmare and one I had not experienced in any of the manuals I had read, and no tutor had even bothered to tell me about. I did at one stage try to move towards the Cockatoo with my scarf to cover him up while at the same time calming the client telling him that “should he hear the sound of his loving bird it was only to confirm that his mate was travelling with him to spirit”.

Where those words came from, I really do not know, my mind was darting all over the place by this point. Trying my best to stay in full control of the situation I slowly drew my best scarf from around my neck to cover the cage and shut the blighter up. I slowly, very slowly ventured towards the Cockatoo. I got two steps towards it before it gave me a menacing lob sided piercing stare that shot a message to my very soul. The message was, “come on then, I’m ready for you, try shutting me up”. I gave up on the bird and concentrated on the client.

The show must go on, how I managed to keep my finger on the pulse and carry on baffles me to this day. The client eventually came around and recalled how comforting it was to know his beloved Cockatoo was taking part in his experience. I smiled reassuringly and said, “how lovely, what a beautiful experience for you”. Inside I was still shaking and rattling in disbelief. I can only describe it as if I had just jumped off a speed train and whilst my body was safely on the platform my mind was still rolling down the track.

This day marked a clear learning curve and one that sent me directly to the store to get myself kitted out with a recording system. They say it is all about the preparation and I thought I had all bases covered, but really, I could not make it up if I tried.

Written and performed by Jane Osborne.


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