It’s strange without a clock time has no measure. No matter the situation days become lost. Chill out hours go too fast: difficult times go to slow. All of us will have thought about time at some time!
Recently I had cause to think about the hours passed. Not one could be returned. Some precious moments and others best are forgotten.Are the moments wasted? I have said ‘Yes’ many were lost, and I’ve learned to accept this uncomfortable reality.
People say ‘Everything experienced is a lesson’ I’m not so sure because I talk to people every week who are in the most difficult of situations. They are not learning lessons; they are learning about, injustice, hurt, unkindness and selfishness. And they think, in some way, they have caused the issues. They blame themselves for people’s actions. And the closer to home, the more vicious the emotional wounding.
Those of you who watch my Monday Facebook live will see the many comments referring to my positivity. And there is no ego in commenting the compliments are up-lifting. The circle is Being Positive results in Positive Comments which reward with positive feelings. many customers come to the LizianShop and say ‘I come here because you are both uplifting and the visit makes me feel better.’
Think about the advantage of being positive: It does not (as written about in another post) result in immediate success or reward. Positivity is a state of mind and will help during the crisis. However, it is no magic bullet action and reality are the ways out of issues.
What is worthy of consideration is positive outcomes take time to manifest. And a problematic journey is completed if one is optimistic for the ending. Therefore, making and choosing the right actions is essential to becoming happy and for you to become a Well Being.
Use time wisely:
This week I’m in Grand-Mother mode: and I’ll be looking after Alice and Bella. At the end of the week I will be exhausted and will look back to my time as a mother and think: ‘How did I cope?’ And of course we see our children and celebrate their ability to negotiate life (most of the time!). I am aware some parents become disappointed with some of their children’s activities: but in time, most issues heal. We most often forgive them! Remember, they are still our children’ most’ of the time.
I’m preparing for the time ahead: the seven days when I’ll have to feed, bathe, dress and play with the kids. They will need to be occupied with everything from jigsaws to printing the pictures taken during the day. Of course, we’ll have some respite when they watch their films before going to sleep. No doubt ‘The Greatest Showman’ is on the watch list. And the times I’ll hear the girls sing the songs with perfect recall will stay within my mind forever: even though I’ve listened to them sing the songs ten of times before.
There is a group of people who must be considered. A group often neglected and not understood, and often demeaned. And before you read on: I am fully aware schools are reopening in October! This is not an article about the crisis directives: it is one which provides insights into the way people in difficult situations have to assess choices being made: millions have easy options; and some of us do not.
For those of you who are fortunate to have a partner and continue to have a reasonable income: and have plenty of time to look after your children and give them every care in this most difficult of times, I’m asking you to consider another aspect of the ‘no school’ lockdown situation.
Over the last week, I have spoken to two single mothers (their stories are slightly different – but at the same time very close) who are at their wit’s end. You see: the time their children are at school is when they tidy homes and shop alone and prepare for the time with their children. During school holidays many single-parents ask for and get help from friends and family. But let’s be clear: I know that one week with two girls will be exhausting and to think of an extended period would be difficult. I would look after my grand-children forever if needed: do not doubt it: but it would not be easy.
Now: I know and understand the difficulty of bringing up children as a single mother. It is hard and painful and at times, heartbreaking. If you have never been a single parent, you have NO comprehension of how challenging (and rewarding) the task. And I can say, without doubt, school time is more than helpful to the single parent, it is essential. It is when we move up three gears and clean the house, wash clothes, prepare food for the week ahead, and shop without having to look after our beautiful children who: frankly slow us down.
I’m going to bet: there are tens of thousands of single mums and single dads who will have missed the term time break! And are finding life very difficult indeed. If you are a parent today, with a partner, no matter how good or bad their contribution to the home. I’d ask you to think about how you would cope without their tremendous or small assistance. Single parents will have the help of someone (I had my parents), but many do not: and the situation is hard, tiring and at times seemingly without reward. But we continue through love only a parent can know.
So when you thought: ‘Keep the schools shut’: I’d ask you to consider those who could not see the benefit of keeping their children out of school. You see: Many parents are beginning to question the directive: both and I mean both of the mothers spoken to this week said something similar ‘How can my kids play with their friends, share toys, and have more contact while playing than they do at school?’ It is an interesting question which I’m sure some of you will have an answer to, but I’m wondering if there was a possibility of schools for single-parent respite: would they have been happy for their children to return to school? Allow me to be controversial: I read the statistics with care, and I see the age-group between 0-20 as the lowest at-risk group. And before you comment about carrying the virus: the parental age group is also in a very low-risk group. Surely we should consider the overall welfare of children with more care? I wonder how many parents. if given the option, would have wished for school to open earlier. As a single mother, I would have taken up the alternative: you see I feel kids need schools, they need their friends, they need outside influence and teaching.
My concern is there are tens of thousands of kids who have not been home-tutored. They have not had a daily school discipline. And the time scale of nine months without school will cause many issues in the future. I have grave concerns about how the way this situation will be looked at in two years time. The detrimental legacies of the shut-down have not even begun to be revealed: there may well be serious repercussions for the establishment and those who have set the standards.
It is ok if you’re wealthy, educated, have professional jobs and know all. You will not have the slightest understanding of the plight of the single-parent and the daily choice they have to make. For example, if a single parent has a part-time job and a child becomes ill: they can lose their employment. And the wealthy who know nothing will say:’Yes, but the state will help out’: the state does not help as much as you think: ask any single parent.
The sad truth is the poor are the one’s who are suffering more than anyone. And the poor who are single-parents are in challenging places at this moment in time. I’m aghast that there are few or any Single-parent charities. Why not? Because the majority of people believe the state provides everything needed. But the little money available is becoming a secondary aspect. The major issue is becoming the mental and physical health of the tens of thousands of single (and without voice) parents. I’m sure they will be exhausted and near the breaking point.
I have no issue with saying here: The single-parent is without voice: they are afraid to say what is the truth They need schools, help, respite and understanding’. As usual, the sanctimonious (making a show of being morally superior to other people) are ignoring the plight of a group of poor and disadvantaged people. And remember this: In ten years when there are thousands of fantastic kids who cannot get a job because their education has been damaged. There will be a good reason to ask ‘Were we fair by these kids?’ These are challenging times, and now is the time to make difficult choices. Once time is lost: it cannot be regained.
The poor will always be seen as fools by the rich and know alls.
MD – LizianEvents Ltd